This is it, not only my last day of being 29, but also my last day of being in my twenties. It’s arrived. And as much as everyone keeps telling me – it’s just a number and doesn’t mean anything – it feels like it does.
I’m not going to lie, I’ve had a couple of freak outs over my impending mortality. I feel like my life is flashing before my eyes, this year I am to be 30. In a mere ten years I will be 40, then before I know it I’ll be 50, then 70 – and that’s even if I’m lucky. I turned half way to 50 five years ago and now it feels like it’s just around the corner. My life is on countdown and what do I have to show for it, what will I be remembered for, will I even be missed? Those questions scare the hell out of me.
And because of that, I constantly worry that I am not doing enough with my life. I am not making the most of it, I am not seizing enough days. In fact this past year feels like I’ve seized very few days indeed.
All around me there are people getting married, having babies, going on big life adventures – all seeming like they have their shit together and they know what they’re doing. I keep telling myself this is just how I see it, they probably feel like they don’t know what they’re doing either; but I really don’t know what I’m doing.
Woah. Had to pull myself out of that one. I was beginning to spiral. But I’m not going to take it out of this post because if I feel this way, I’m sure others will do too; and to those I say, you are not alone!
29. I really didn’t do a lot with it this past year, and as much as I enjoyed those lazy days (all 365 of them), I feel like I should have done more with that year.
I had a plan at the beginning of this year (2017 I mean) that I would create one of those ’30 things to do before I turn 30′ lists so that I could feel like I’ve accomplished something before my 29th year was out.
My list included things such as:
- Visit 30 countries
- Have my portrait taken
- Pretend to be someone completely different for one night
- Learn a rap song or a dance routine from start to finish
- Splurge out at a world best restaurant
- Get my pension in order
- Drive at least one more time
- Learn how to make the best espresso martini
- Travel somewhere by myself
- Have a night of world record breaking
Of my whole 30 ‘things to do’, I did about four of them, which I’m taking as it didn’t actually mean that much to me to do them, or I would have made more of an effort to tick off the list. The ones I did achieve:
Get my pension in order – I’m terrible with money in general and my pension was one thing I wanted to get sorted. I felt bad that I had policies all over the place from all the different businesses that I have worked with, and they should really be in the one place. When I looked it up, I found that actually it’s a better thing to have pensions in different places – that old adage of not putting all your eggs in one basket. So that was my pension sorted and I didn’t have to do a thing.
Have my portrait taken – The weekend before last I realised that if I wanted to have my portrait taken whilst I was still in my twenties, there was only one thing for it. I’d have to do it myself. So that Sunday morning, that’s what I did. I attempted my own self portraiture. Here’s a few of them:
Drive at least one more time – Anyone that knows me or anyone that has read my blogs before will know just how much driving terrifies me. It’s on my bucket list to get myself over this fear and I know that it’s something I will have to do for my future independence, but I wanted to remember what it was like driving at least one more time before my 30th birthday. So that same weekend before last, I got up at 6am, Dan took me to the local Tesco car park and I drove around for an hour – like a 17 year old just starting to learn! It was fun actually. We were going to do it last weekend too but there just wasn’t the time, so that really was the last time I will drive as someone in my twenties.
Learn how to make the best espresso martini – As you will know from my previous post about it already, I nailed this one! I just need to find the time (appropriate time for cocktails) to have another go as what’s the point of having a killer cocktail recipe if you don’t use it.
I even cheated with my list by adding in things that I knew I had already completed so as I would straight away have things to tick off, and yet I still couldn’t finish it! Things like, learn how to gamble, travel to Paris, own a house, swim in the sea, ride in a limo, give food to a homeless person; I like to make things a bit easier for myself.
But as I said, it obviously wasn’t as such a big deal for me as I first thought, otherwise I would have been striking things off that list as soon as I could.
I suppose as long as I enjoy my days, that’s all I can really ask for.
I have though put in place some events coming up throughout the next year so that I know I have something exciting to look forward to each month. I’ll be writing about them after they’ve happened so watch this space for what those are.
I’m going to stop moping now and forget my mid-mid-life crisis and go enjoy my birthday instead.
Happy birthday to all the March fivers out there and especially those turning the big 30 too – it is just the beginning! See you on the other side.
Until next time. x