I think lately I’ve lost sight about what my blog is for.
With over 1000 followers, I sometimes feel pressure to make sure my posts are going to be well received. Which is just stupid as – let’s face it – they’re not even real followers. Most are probably dud accounts from people that started blogging and then gave up, others will be just trying to get a follow back and the rest won’t give two craps about what I post generally.
And then there’s the fact that I didn’t start this blog to try and make it big anyway, it’s meant to be somewhere that I can post up about what is going on in my life. It was meant to be for me.
But sadly it has become censored. I write posts and never use them because they’re too ‘deep’ or depressing, or not interesting enough. I wrote a post last week about how I was feeling (like a black cloud had descended upon me and wouldn’t let me go) but didn’t post it as I didn’t want to look like I was just moaning on the internet.
This was meant to be a safe space for me, somewhere I could look back on and see what I’ve done with my life.
But it’s not a safe space anymore.
I went for a job interview a few months ago and during that interview I was told I come across as an ‘airhead’ on my blog. I’ve not posted much since then.
We’re told ‘You are your brand’ and if you want to get a good job, then your online life had better be squeaky clean as it’s not just what goes on in the interview room anymore. We are judged on our social media impulses, once it’s out there, it’s out there, and only the perfect and unattainable Instagram life is worthy of gracing the internet. I, like most people, now spend too much time worrying about what message I’m sending out, so then I’m not really sending out the real me and most of the time don’t even bother sending anything out.
Long story short, I’m going back to my roots. My posts are going to be me again. All me. What’s going on in my life, the good, the bad, the fun, the mad and I don’t give a fuck how it makes me look.
I write for the fun of it, and I now need to get back to finding the fun in what I’m writing, or what’s the point?
So I’ll be posting more regularly again I hope. Making the time for it and not just making excuses as to why I shouldn’t. Starting with this one.
Until next time. x