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I have never had a garden before. My parents of course have a garden in the house that I grew up in, but I had NO INTEREST – at all – in anything to do with it. I don’t even really remember being out there much. Any time my parents wanted to go to a garden centre, I would moan. And moan. And moan. And moan. Until we left. What child wants to look at twigs in tubs at the weekend?

I certainly didn’t. And then go out and plant the things in the garden? No thanks. I had important TV to watch. What? It wasn’t going to watch it itself.

In the Summer we used to go and stay with my grandparents. They had a lovely garden, my Grandad took great pride in it. He had two greenhouses for a start! He was serious. I do remember playing out in their garden more, but still not that much. Again, TV was my master and I watched whatever it wanted me to watch. I will always remember one particular time when me and my older sister were lying on the floor in their living room, heads in hands, watching the box intently. Suddenly there was a knock on the patio door; my Grandad was standing there banging on the glass mouthing the words ‘square eyes’ as he mimed drawing squares around his eyes.

Now I wish I had gone and joined him out in the garden, spending time with him, learning what I could from him. But it’s too late.

So. Now I’m a grown up. With my own garden. And I have absolutely no shitting clue what I’m doing with it. All the chances I had to learn some tips, exchanged for Saved by the Bell, Bug Juice and other programs that I can’t even remember now.

Dan’s no better. He has no more of a clue what to do out there than me. Together, everything we’re doing in the garden is experimental. Moss instead of grass; let’s rake it up, put weed killer down and see what happens. Seed planting; you just put the seeds in the mud right? Bush trimming; we’ll just get some shears and have a go.

Yesterday my actual words to Dan were “Look, if we mess it up, when I get my next job, we can just pay for someone to come and sort it out for us.”

Yes, we only have a mud patch instead of grass and not all the seeds are taking, but the bush trimming/removal went down a storm! I’m in agony today from it, it was hard work, but I think I did a good job. Dan helped with taking out the bigger trunks but I did the majority. I went to town on those bushes.

We had originally said we were just going to take all the bushes out to plant wild flower seeds in their place, but Dan got a bit worried yesterday and said perhaps we could shape the bushes instead. I tried, I really tried but with no training in bush shaping, not enough concentration-will-power to try, and a pair of shears in my hands; frankly I just let rip.

This was the result.

Before

Before

During

During

After

After

As you can see there is a slight curved shape to the smallest bush, but the rest has gone (near enough). It was tough and I was shaking with energy loss by the end of it, but man was it good fun.

To the right of the photos is a path that leads straight up to the shed. Pointless. So instead we’re going to try and build a raised bed along this side where we can grow vegetables. Don’t laugh too hard there. Building and actually trying to grow something properly? I know.

I’ve attempted started growing lettuce from seeds…which seems to be wrong already, they’re rather droopy, but I’m persevering and hoping that by the time the veg box is ready, they’ll be a bit more hardy.

I really don’t know what I’m doing and no amount of gardening blogs or packet instructions is going to help me. I’m sure we’ll get there and one day have a beautiful garden that we can be proud of, but until that day, there’ll just be whole lot of ‘hit and hope’ going on. Damn you Saved by the Bell!

Until next time.

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One thought on “Give me your garden and a pair of shears and I’ll see what I can do…

  1. Had our first garden 8 years ago when we were gardening ‘virgins’, but we were lucky as it was well maintained from the person before. But when we moved house a few years ago we had to do much more work in our garden. It’s just a learning process – you will get there. It’s lovely to stand back and look a pretty garden you have created!

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