Every now and again I need a bit of time where I just stand back and let myself breathe.
I take on a project, then another and then another until I’ve got so many projects on the go and am putting so much pressure on myself to do it all – that I forget the reason of why I wanted to take on the project in the first place.
Currently I am:
- In the process of selling my flat which means, estate agents, viewings and constantly cleaning/tidying
- Trying to find a house to move into which means, estate agents, viewings, mortgage advisors, solicitors, and living on Rightmove.com for the instant a new house comes up on it
- Organising a once in a life-time trip to Japan for next year which means, research into a place I’ve never been, holiday agents, getting quotes, etc etc.
- Trying to teach myself Japanese – for the once in a life-time trip
- Trying to look for a new job which means, job searching, portfolio creating, speaking with agencies, interview prep (never easy for me, I put far too much pressure on myself and need DAYS to prepare)
- Writing my fiction novel
- Writing for my blog, doing stuff to write about for my blog, reading and commenting on other blogs
- Exercise – yoga, running, 7 minute workout
- Reading books – gotta get through that pile somehow!
That’s kinda the main things, there’s obviously more little everyday bits too like cooking dinner, making lunches, washing, and trying to still have some sort of social life on top – as well as my pressurised full-time job.
Add all that stuff on top of low self-esteem, low confidence and a general feeling of not being good-enough to easily cope with a few things to do; and I just end up feeling like I’m going nowhere.
I know there’ll be some out there who say – ‘Man up FFS, just get on and do it’, which honestly I am trying, but I’m not fast at any of these things so everything I do takes me a long time. And where everything was started with good intentions, all I’m now left with is a feeling of I have to do it. When no one really has to do anything.
A new perspective.
Since first starting to write this blog this morning, I’ve had a bit of a break and, surprisingly, a change of heart. It started off as a piece about me wanting to cut down on what I’m doing with my time and taking a bit of a rest; but somewhere in that break – I feel I’ve found my mojo again. I wanted to keep the original part of the post up here so you can see how little time between almost on the verge of breakdown I can be – to feeling excited again about everything and to want to make my time work best for me. Slightly crazy, huh?
There is a reason why I started all of my projects – I just need to remember those reasons and power through.
I’m going to make myself a new weekly timetable where I can fit it all in but also make sure I schedule down time where I stop whatever I’m doing and just do something for me; watch TV, bake cakes, file my nails, spend some time with Dora; whatever – just relax and remember to breathe.
I’ve written before about these states I go through, where everything just feels too much and I get to a stage where it’s easier to do nothing, so I know that neither the feeling of motivation or depression will last; but I also know I can make it through both. I may get a bit overwhelmed sometimes but there are far worse positions I could be in.
Right then, I am off to make my new schedule and then to enjoy the rest of my Sunday!