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Every now and again I need a bit of time where I just stand back and let myself breathe.

I take on a project, then another and then another until I’ve got so many projects on the go and am putting so much pressure on myself to do it all – that I forget the reason of why I wanted to take on the project in the first place.

Currently I am:

  • In the process of selling my flat which means, estate agents, viewings and constantly cleaning/tidying
  • Trying to find a house to move into which means, estate agents, viewings, mortgage advisors, solicitors, and living on Rightmove.com for the instant a new house comes up on it
  • Organising a once in a life-time trip to Japan for next year which means, research into a place I’ve never been, holiday agents, getting quotes, etc etc.
  • Trying to teach myself Japanese – for the once in a life-time trip
  • Trying to look for a new job which means, job searching, portfolio creating, speaking with agencies, interview prep (never easy for me, I put far too much pressure on myself and need DAYS to prepare)
  • Writing my fiction novel
  • Writing for my blog, doing stuff to write about for my blog, reading and commenting on other blogs
  • Exercise – yoga, running, 7 minute workout
  • Meditation
  • Reading books – gotta get through that pile somehow!

That’s kinda the main things, there’s obviously more little everyday bits too like cooking dinner, making lunches, washing, and trying to still have some sort of social life on top – as well as my pressurised full-time job.

Add all that stuff on top of low self-esteem, low confidence and a general feeling of not being good-enough to easily cope with a few things to do; and I just end up feeling like I’m going nowhere.

I know there’ll be some out there who say – ‘Man up FFS, just get on and do it’, which honestly I am trying, but I’m not fast at any of these things so everything I do takes me a long time. And where everything was started with good intentions, all I’m now left with is a feeling of I have to do it. When no one really has to do anything.

 

A new perspective.

Since first starting to write this blog this morning, I’ve had a bit of a break and, surprisingly, a change of heart. It started off as a piece about me wanting to cut down on what I’m doing with my time and taking a bit of a rest; but somewhere in that break – I feel I’ve found my mojo again. I wanted to keep the original part of the post up here so you can see how little time between almost on the verge of breakdown I can be – to feeling excited again about everything and to want to make my time work best for me. Slightly crazy, huh?

There is a reason why I started all of my projects – I just need to remember those reasons and power through.

I’m going to make myself a new weekly timetable where I can fit it all in but also make sure I schedule down time where I stop whatever I’m doing and just do something for me; watch TV, bake cakes, file my nails, spend some time with Dora; whatever – just relax and remember to breathe.

I’ve written before about these states I go through, where everything just feels too much and I get to a stage where it’s easier to do nothing, so I know that neither the feeling of motivation or depression will last; but I also know I can make it through both. I may get a bit overwhelmed sometimes but there are far worse positions I could be in.

Right then, I am off to make my new schedule and then to enjoy the rest of my Sunday!

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19 thoughts on “I’m doing it again

  1. I always feel like I have to be doing something and when I am not doing anything I feel liking I am wasting time when I could be doing something. I am still learning that it is okay to sometimes do nothing!

  2. I think that saying ‘I can sleep when I’m dead’ has a lot to answer for. Makes me feel that if I’m not doing something to make my future better then I’m not really living. But that also means I don’t always appreciate what I have now. Learning to do nothing and being ok with that is a hard lesson indeed. x

      • It’s funny, because I care a lot about this story, but I have a habit of giving up on them because I get stuck along the way with not liking where the story ended up. I guess it’s not horrible taking it slow, I just wish I could write well quicker if that makes sense. I wish you all the best with your story and thanks for following my blog!

      • Again, exactly the same. Started SOOOOO many stories and just given up on them because one day I decide ‘nope don’t like it anymore’. I reread the beginning of this one yesterday and straight away thought ‘oh god, it’s terrible’ but I’m determined to make it better rather than just abandon it. We’ll see though. The one that always gets me is that I practically wrote Heroes…I was devastated when I found out someone had beaten me to it. Ah well. One day perhaps we’ll both be published authors..if we can pull our fingers out that is 😉! x

  3. Wow, one of the items on your list would be tipping into the stressy zone, so you have got your hands full there Lisa! I know we are a long time dead but just be careful not to burn out too soon! 😉 …and breathe…!

    • Thanks Mikey, I do tend to pile on the pressure and then berate myself when I don’t complete everything I set out too. I’m just quite an impatient person who wants everything now. Gotta calm down with it all or like you say, I’ll burn out. x

  4. I can sympathize with a lot of your list. I’m not moving but I’m interviewing for a new job, working my current full time job, editing a novel, trying to determine what to write for my next novel, read through my pile of books, write reviews for the books I have read, take care of my mom as she gets her knee replaced, and preparing for my grandparent to visit to help with my mom. The list never seems to end. I’m glad you go the chance to breath and haven’t had a change of heart because everything you are working toward sounds awesome and amazing! Good luck with everything!

    • That is quite a list you have there yourself. Having to look after your mum on top is no small feat. Keep going, you’re doing great! And good luck with your interview, I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.

  5. Its crazy what we do to ourselves! I feel what you’re feeling right now and I am in the exact same boat. Life is short so we want to do so much but doing so much affects our wellbeing. Balance is the key.. Thanks for making me feel like I’m not alone eventhough I already knew it, u just articulated it so well!

    • It’s good to know others really are out there feeling the same way I am. Wanting to experience everything before it’s too late may mean not experiencing things the way they should be anyway. You are totally right, balance is the key otherwise what’s the point if you’re not enjoying yourself? x

  6. I loved reading this. I absolutely identify with so much. Many times i want to move faster, better and with more confidence. On the upside im grateful because fast or slow i am doing somethings! Biggest frustration is on how to put my writing together/ organize in a book form. Thanks

    • Thank you Drew! Yes there is a certain element of impatience with just wanting to do everything now – it’s hard to break away from that. Just last night I had a thought of starting another project which my husband reminded me that I need to slow down a bit and not take on even more. Good luck with getting yourself organised! Thanks for stopping by x

    • Thank you! I’m glad it could be of help to you – we all need to hear that we’re not alone, once in a while. One thing with doing this blog, I’ve realised it very rare that I find I’m the only one to feel anything. Thanks for stopping by x

  7. Meditation helps and yoga too or so I was told. Don´t put some much pressure on yourself. It´s ok to have a day off and it´s ok to have spare time otherwise you won´t have time for the unexpected, for those things that just find you instead of being you who find them. Live the present. All you know for certain is that today you are alive. Enjoy life!!!

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